Friday, June 21, 2013

What To Do When You Are "Nutso."

My brain's been going a bit nutso lately.  ("Nutso - something or someone that goes beyond crazy."

I taped paper to my wall and labeled it "China Checklist."  Everyday I write on my paper on the wall.  Literally and figuratively, this list hangs over me.  My subconscious clock ticking loudly in my ears, "Nine weeks.  Nine weeks."  

Every item in my home causes my brain to ask, "Pack it?  Store it? Sell it? Give it?"  Every. single. item. all. day. long.

And then most every day I do absolutely no packing, storing, selling or giving.  Nor do I actually cross anything off my China Checklist.

But I fall into bed exhausted.  And then awaken at unearthly hours and lie there for sometimes a couple hours with a zillion thoughts racing through my head.

Then my poor husband gets pelted with those zillion thoughts the following day.  

I read that fatigue makes normally routine tasks seem nearly impossible.  And I thought, perhaps that is why the daily maintenance of life, home, and children feels so very hard.

And perhaps that is why the thought of moving our life, home, and children across the world is making me, well, nut-so.  (And yes, we've done this global move before, but no, it doesn't make it easier.)

The other thing about fatigue is that it makes you want to exercise not at all.  Exercise has fallen so far down on my to-do list, it's not even there anymore.  Like, I wasn't even feeling bad about not exercising.  I mean, hefting a 25 lb baby all day, and squatting over strewn Duplos, and carrying loads of groceries, that's exercise, right??  Apparently not the kind that melts muffin tops.

But I had a revelation today.

I need exercise.

No, I need exercise.  Real exercise.  The sweaty kind.

And not for melting my muffin top.

You see, my brain was ready to boil over. The day was stretching forever long and these kids were stretching me crazy and it was only 10am.

So I click on a youtube Zumba.  And the kids get giddy with the beat.  And we all dance and punch and sweat and jump.

And it feels glorious.

When we're all done, my brain takes a long exhale.  Suddenly I am ready to move forward, with this day, with this move, with this life.  And I say to myself, "I think I have figured out why everyone says exercise is so important."

I'm smart like that.

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